Saving Face

Goodness knows that this is something I struggle with a lot, and it is not like I'm making any new observations. But over the last month I have been thinking about this a lot since I've come face to face with two pretty big instances of this issue, and I felt the need to write out some thoughts.

In my observations and personal experiences, something that conservative Christians often fail at is admitting failure. When you think about it, this makes sense. Most conservatives live lives obsessed with outward righteousness, so admitting failure would be to damage their projected holiness. I know a thing or four about this--one of the hardest lessons for me as a teacher (in the midst of many hard lessons)--has been to humble myself and apologize to people, children in particular. Too long have I cherished the lie that apologizing to people I'm in authority over is a sign of weakness, and that I will loose respect. I am very, very good at being self righteous--there is always someone who's behavior makes mine look good. And I hate to fail, and I hate to not accomplish what I have set before myself to accomplish.

Yet, twice recently I have seen the desire to save face and preserve appearances at all cost take very heavy tolls on people and situations around me. I have watched someone's reason slipping away yet still being propelled by the frantic need to image manage, and there is a prickly situation at in my life right now in which decisions (outside my control) have been made with the design of preserving image.

Understandable? So very. But what are the results? To conceal only means that when something finally comes to the light (and it will), it now comes dragging the very ugly baggage of your deception and self interest. Obviously, there are many situations where not every detail needs to be discussed or published, but to pretend that nothing has happened? To pretend that there is no fault, no room for improvement, nothing wrong? That is the soil in which evil roots and flourishes. That is showing an unacceptable pride that must not be allowed to rule your actions.

I speak firstly to myself in all this, because God knows I am an expert at image managing. If only I could say that I routinely choose the right path when it comes to being transparent and humble! However, I am not alone in this sinful tendency, and just as I work to root it out of my students, I need to work on practicing it more so that I can not only create a better culture around me of authenticity, but also so that I can encourage others around me to take the risk of honesty.

Lord, help me be the change I want to see in my corner of the world. Help me to be willing to admit it right away when I have messed up, when my ideas weren't the best, and when I was not able to accomplish as well as someone else. Help me to want Your will so much that I am okay with stepping down, with becoming less, and with being honest. Help me to love You more than myself in all things.