A Letter About Reentry
Hi, it’s me, your returning missionary. There is no standard story of why and when someone’s time on the mission field comes to an end, just as there will be a period of transition. There are some things that you should know about what’s likely going on in my life right now, and some things to think about in how you help me restart in my home country. Know that no matter who I am, I need prayer, support, and extra grace not just from you, but to be reminded to be gracious to myself as I navigate this season of life. I might be discouraged, emotional, and overwhelmed in ways that change from day to day, but with the Lord’s help, some time, and the loving support of God’s people, I’ll make it through.
One of the first things you need to understand, is while there is a big difference between whether I chose to, needed to, or was forced to leave the mission field, that process was a big stress. There was probably more things I wanted to get done than was physically possible, so I had to walk away from projects and tasks I wanted to accomplish, and I’ll have to deal with that guilt for awhile. There was also likely a big goodbye gathering or celebration that was emotionally exhausting as I tried to say the right things and leave well. Then, there was almost certainly the last night where I stayed up way too late, had to make hundreds of choices about what to take and what to leave and where it should all go, and as I got more and more exhausted I made decisions that for the next several months will come bubbling up in my memory and frustrating me because of course, in hindsight I would have chosen better.
Once I arrive back in my home country, I have a whole new set of challenges to face. Depending on how long I’ve been gone, I will be more or less aware of the truth that people, including myself, change. My family, church, and friends are all different people than they were when I left, and I have also changed in those intervening years. So, while there is some relief in familiarity and the joy of being near those I love again, there might be quite a lot of work facing me in figuring out where people are and how to fit back in again. I might not even know who I am now that my role has changed so drastically, and struggle with seeing a way to fit into and find a new identity in a community that clearly has moved ahead without me. During this time I will also be figuring out who is a safe person to allow in on my journey to process through all the messy emotions, and who it is better to hold politely at a distance, because while I’m sure you all mean well, sometimes you dismiss or minimize the complex and often painful journey I’m on.
Some of the biggest things on my mind will be finding a place to live, a job, and establishing a new normal. I might have to live with friends or my parents for awhile, and while I love you and I am very thankful that I have a safe place to land, it can be very hard not being independent anymore. Feeling like a nomad or a parasite is probably adding stress to my life right now. Finding a job is also likely going to be a challenge—I have experiences that don’t fit into the standard box, and I might not have all the skills or certifications needed in my field now. I might be burned out and needing refreshment, and it might be best for me to take a break from serving for a time. I need you to help me make connections and alert me to job opportunities, but please don’t start every conversation with me by asking about my job search; help me remember that I am more than what I do—or haven’t found to do yet. I might need help finding a car I can afford, writing a resume, and figuring out new procedures and technology. Also, please keep reaching out to me past the first month or two—I absolutely still need your support and prayers.
If I have a family, the process of transitioning is going to be that much more complicated. My marriage is going to need to be nurtured during this difficult time, my kids are going to be going through their own process of grieving and adjusting, and being unsettled at the beginning is going to put a lot of stress on all of us. My kids will need to figure out how to relate to and make friendships with others their age who can’t understand their experiences, and helping them adjust when I’m trying to adjust myself is a huge challenge. I need to figure out how to support my spouse in their individual process of transition as well as finding words to express what I am going through, and I might be a bit overwhelmed by all the needs we have at the moment.
Once the rush of coming back has passed, there are several emotions I will likely be dealing with. While I’m pleased you have some idea that culture shock is a difficult thing to work through, please don’t try and box up my experiences in your expectations. Depending on where I was, I might indeed be struggling with the classic symptoms of being overwhelmed by the choice and excess of the western world, or I might be navigating a very different emotional landscape. Things I will very likely experience in varying degrees at different stages in this reentry process include loneliness, feeling unwanted and unneeded, worry about my future, frustration with myself and the process, and loss. I might come back with deep wounds from my time overseas, or go through a period of intense grieving for what I left behind. I’m going to be finding out in great detail what the cost of my personal obedience was in these next few months and perhaps even years, and while I absolutely wouldn’t trade this adventure with God for the world, there will probably be some raw edges and areas in my life that will need some healing. Please, give me the gift of time and space to grieve, heal, and process. Listen more than you give suggestions for how to fix this. Understand that I’ll be emotionally exhausted at points, and that it is normal. Find common ground, pray for me, encourage me to engage with this process, and help me see the Lord and His joy through my tears. Be a voice of truth in my life that drowns out Satan’s lies, and be the kind of people I feel safe enough to admit when I’m not okay. Almost every aspect of my life may have changed and feel out of my control; help me remember my soul anchor in Christ. My journey is going to be unique, but your grace will be of great comfort to me on the way.
Your returning missionary.
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